


and it always leads to you

by al-damnvers (Missanna444)



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28240956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missanna444/pseuds/al-damnvers
Summary: A Damie fake dating/Christmas party AU that nobody asked for :)Dani returns to her hometown and asks her childhood friend Jamie to come with her to the Wingraves' Christmas party.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	1. going home

Going back to her hometown was not exactly something Dani Clayton enjoyed doing. She didn’t really have any family there, except for her mother, and heaven knew she didn’t want to go anywhere near her mother. First of all, she hated Iowa. She fucking  _ hated _ Iowa. Even worse, she hated the small town she had grown up in. The rest of Iowa she was more or less indifferent about. But that awful small town was hell on Earth. 

Part of the awfulness was because of what had happened with Eddie. He had died, in a terrible accident that had happened just after Dani had broken off their engagement. She could never face his family after that, with the guilt that came with it. She knew it wasn’t her fault, not really. But she couldn’t help it. If she hadn’t discovered her feelings for women and that she couldn’t love Eddie romantically, she wouldn’t have had to break up with him and maybe she would have learned to love him as she was supposed to. And if she hadn’t broken up with him, he wouldn’t have stepped out of the car and-- She needed to stop thinking about it. She needed to forget all of that, and brace herself for the next couple of days. 

She was coming home for the weekend before Christmas, which was somehow worse than being home on the actual holiday itself. Under normal circumstances, she would stay with her mother for Christmas and New Years’, then return to east coast and remember how to breathe. This year, things were different. This year, she had been asked by her employer to attend his family’s annual Christmas party. Dani, who had been the au pair for his two children fr just three months, had felt that she didn’t quite belong there. Still, Henry Wingrave had cheerfully requested that she be there. 

“Sir, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t belong here with your friends and family. If you wanted me to be there to watch the children, I suppose I could. But as a guest? I-I’m not so sure.” Dani told him the evening that he had invited her. 

“Of course. I don’t wish to make you uncomfortable. But Flora and Miles were the ones who requested that you join us, as a guest. They’ve grown quite fond of you the last few months. After what they went through when Miss Jessel passed… Well, I thought it best to invite you for them.” Henry explained gently.

Dani’s heart warmed at that. She would do anything for those children. “Alright. Okay. I’ll be there.” 

And now, Dani was walking through town the Saturday before Christmas, on her way to her mother’s house, her own childhood home. The town was familiar, very familiar. It was the kind of familiarity that comes with returning home, where you know you belong but you’re not sure if you should, the feeling of being just slightly out of place for reasons that you can’t quite put your finger on. It made Dani uneasy. She passed by several storefronts and saw the local flower shop, which had several lovely poinsettias hanging in the window. Dani paused for a moment, then decided that she needed to buy one to give her mother, in an effort to make up for not spending the full holiday at home. She glanced through the window to see a young brunette, probably an employee, with her back to the outside world. Well, Dani figured, there didn’t seem to be a line and she could likely get the plant quickly and continue on her way. So, she entered the shop. 

At the sound of the bell on the door ringing, the woman turned around and nearly dropped the bag of soil in her arms. Dani, too, looked quite shocked. 

“Jamie?”

Jamie Taylor hadn’t quite grown up with Dani. Well, she had, but not from an age so young as four or five. No, she had met Dani at age eleven. Jamie had once lived across the ocean, in England. After essentially being abandoned by her parents at age ten, she and her two brothers had been carted off to different adoptive families. Jamie would have run away from hers to be with her brothers, but as soon as she had been adopted her new daily immediately moved to the United States. Iowa, to be exact. And Jamie in all her rebelliousness never lost her accent, never gave in to that strange Midwestern accent. She needed to keep some part of herself intact. 

All through middle and high school, Dani and Jamie had been close friends. Well, Eddie too, she supposed. Both she and Eddie were best friends with Dani, but they weren’t close with each other. After Dani and Eddie started dating, Jamie had started to drift away. Then, Dani left for college and Jamie had not spoken to her since. And now, suddenly, Dani was standing in front of her, both of them looking like a deer in headlights. 

“Dani… Well, you sure know how to give someone a heart attack, I’ll give you that.” Jamie said, carefully setting the bag of potting soil on the counter. “What can I do for you?” She asked in her customer service voice. She had no reason yet to treat Dani as anything other than a customer. 

“I, uh… I wanted to buy a, uh…” Dani pointed to the poinsettia in the window, then continued speaking as Jamie went to go get it. “It’s for my mom. I’m in town for the weekend.”

“Oh? I’m sure she’ll love it.” Jamie replied. She didn’t recall Dani having a great relationship with Mrs. Clayton, but then again that was years ago and things may have changed. 

“I sure hope so. I can’t stay for Christmas this year, I’m hoping this will quell her fury.” Dani said gently. At that, Jamie looked at her directly. It was nearly impossible to treat Dani as simply another customer, but Dani trying to reach out and ask for help? That made it all the more difficult. 

“You aren’t staying? That’s new, isn’t it?” The brunette asked, not prying but still checking in, in a way. 

Dani nodded with a sigh. “It is. I was invited to spend Christmas with my employer and his family. They have a Christmas party every year with their friends, and he wanted me there.” Jamie shot her a confused glance, so she continued. “I’m not a school teacher anymore. I was hired by a man in New York, a wealthy one. He’s the uncle of two children, they needed an au pair while they’re staying in the States. So, I’m going to their party.”

Jamie nodded, listening while she rang up the plant. Well, she was certainly glad Dani was moving up in the world. At least one of them managed to get out of their small town. 

“Well. Isn’t that lovely?” She said gently. 

“It is.” Dani paused a moment, glancing around the shop. “There is one problem with it, though.”

Jamie frowned slightly. “And what is that, Poppins?” She asked. What could possibly be the problem with what seemed like the best job Dani could ever hope to have? It certainly seemed like it paid well. 

“Well, he expects me to bring a date to the party. And, as I’m sure you know…”

“Eddie died, right. That was two years ago, no blokes knocking down your door yet? You could probably find quite a wealthy fellow, too.” 

“No, I haven’t found… anyone else.” Dani said carefully.

“And you can’t just tell him you’re not seeing anyone?” 

“I suppose I could, but I had told him I was in a relationship when he hired me. It was one of those silly questions one asks to get to know someone. I wawa caught off-guard and said I was seeing someone. Now, every time he asks about it, I just come up with some random mention that we’re still doing well.”

Jamie couldn’t help but chuckle softly at this. Dani was just as awkward and sweet as she had always been. Apparently, some things really never did change. 

“Well, I’m sorry for your predicament, Dani. I’d help you out, but unfortunately I’m not exactly a man.” Jamie pointed out. “I mean, that is why you’re telling me, isn’t it? I’m the one soul in this town that’s at all trustworthy enough. And we used to be friends.”

“Jamie…” 

“We haven’t spoken in years. That’s the only explanation I can think of that you’re telling me any of this.”

“I wasn’t planning any of that when I got to town this morning. I didn’t know you still lived here or that you worked here.”

“I own this shop, actually.”

“Congratulations.” Dani said quietly. “My point is, I didn’t plan on asking for your help. But, you’re right. There’s no one else for me to ask. So, I’m asking. Will you come with me to this party and pretend to be my girlfriend?”

Jamie was silent for a moment, stunned. That, she hadn’t been expecting. All this time, she’d been pining for a girl she thought was straight, and only now does she get to have a slight chance.

“Dani… I didn’t--”

“No one knows. No one here, anyways. But they do in New York. I decided to finally let myself embrace who I am. And you are the only person here who won’t judge me, the only person here who wouldn’t damn me to hell for suggesting this. Please, Jamie. I’ll pay for your plane ticket and everything. Just come with me. It’ll be… fun. We can even make fun of all the rich people together after the party.”

Jamie couldn’t argue with that. 

“Fine. When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow evening.”

“Right. See you then, I suppose.”


	2. at the party

“How was the weekend with your mom?” Jamie asked while she and Dani sat in the airport, an hour or so early for their flight. 

“Oh, it was… how it always is.” Dani shrugged. 

“Right, which is…? Remember Poppins, I haven’t spoken with you in several years. I have no idea what your life is like.” Jamie pointed out.

“Why do you call me that?”

“Call you what?”

“Poppins. Why? You’ve never called me that before.”

Jamie raised an eyebrow at the blonde. She could see what Dani was doing, turning the conversation away from herself and sending it back to Jamie. Dani just stared at her, waiting for an answer. Jamie sighed and relented.

“You’re an au pair. Like a modern Mary Poppins.”

That answer seemed to soften Dani’s features. The nickname was simply meant to be gentle teasing, maybe even something close to affectionate. 

“Cute.”

Jamie grinned proudly. 

It wasn’t long before the two of them were getting on the plane to New York. They spent the four hour flight discussing certain details regarding the two of them and their pretend relationship. It was decided that they had known each other since childhood, which wasn’t technically a lie, and they’d gotten together a year ago, which had been around a year since Eddie had died. The reason Jamie had never come to New York was because she had the flower shop to run in Iowa and the two had a long distance relationship. Jamie had mentioned that maybe they should figure out some of the finer details, but Dani assured her that they weren’t too likely to be questioned anyways. After all, Dani hadn’t been working there for more than a few months, who could possibly care that much about her romantic life?

Before they knew it, they were standing outside of the large manor in what was clearly the rich part of New York. Just as she reached out to ring the doorbell, she felt Jamie’s hand gently slip into her free hand. She must’ve looked confused, because Jamie cleared her throat and mumbled something about making it a little more believable.

The door was opened by Henry Wingrave and the two were immediately ushered inside. Henry was a kind looking man, average height and build for a man his age, wearing a Christmas sweater that made Dani question everything she knew about him. He had loosened up and become a lot closer to his family in recent months, but still, a Christmas sweater was not something she had expected. It was an oddly comforting sight. 

Dani had gotten used to the size and grandeur of the home, but when she glanced over at Jamie, she saw that the brunette was standing there with her eyes wide and her mouth gaping at the large room they had stepped into. Dani didn’t blame her, the whole place was decked out with lights and garland and a Christmas tree in the corner, not to mention a few sprigs of mistletoe here and there. It was certainly more extravagant than Dani was used to. She wondered, though, if Jamie had seen anything like this, decorated with Christmas embellishments or otherwise. By the look on Jamie’s face, Dani guessed the answer was no.

“So, how was the trip? Did everything go alright? Smooth flight?” Henry’s questions interrupted Dani’s thoughts. 

“Oh, the trip was great. A really comfortable flight, thank you.” 

“Great. That’s wonderful to hear. Remember, you two are here as guests. No working, okay?” He said gently. Even Henry knew of Dni’s habit of overextending herself for the sake of others, especially when it came to the children. 

Dani nodded. “I’ll try. Oh, this is Jamie. My, uh, my girlfriend from back home. Jamie, this is my boss, Mr. Wingrave.” 

Henry smiled and reached out a hand to shake Jamie’s. “How wonderful to meet you, Jamie. And please, just call me Henry. I’ve been trying to convince Dani to call me that, but she seems to prefer formal names.” 

Jamie shook his hand, noticing his accent now that he was addressing her. “You’re a fellow Brit?” She said, suddenly feeling much more welcome. 

“Ah, yes! London, mostly. That’s where I grew up, and lived there until I took in my niece and nephew. I brought them here to help them recover from some trauma, to let them heal. Am I correct that your accent is… northern?” He guessed. 

“It is, indeed. Haven’t been there for quite awhile, though. I was adopted when I was ten and the family moved here instead of staying in England. We moved to Iowa, and that’s how I met Dani.” She said, shooting Dani the most charming smile she could. Dani had to resist the urge to swoon. Jamie really was charming when she wanted to be. 

“Ah, childhood sweethearts, then?” Henry asked, which made Dani stiffen. He hadn’t meant anything by it, of course, he didn’t know about Eddie. Still, it hurt a bit to think about. Luckily, Jamie seemed to notice this and quickly answered for her.

“Not exactly, but always close friends.” She said. Sensing the tension, Henry quickly changed the subject.

“Right, well, why don’t you two go and enjoy yourselves? There’s drinks, plenty of food, dancing, guests to mingle with…” He said and stepped aside so that the two of them could fully enter the room.

Dani, still holding Jamie’s hand, gently dragged her over to the table of food. There was no one there for the moment, so she felt it would be a good opportunity to talk for a few minutes. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked gently. 

“I’m alright. Really. No, seriously, Dani. I’m feeling fine. We had a little stumble there, but it’s okay, we’ll get better at it through the night. We just have to convince these people, for one night, and it honestly doesn’t seem like it will be that hard.”

“You must be comfortable if you’re still holding my hand, but I just wanted to be sure.” 

Jamie glanced down as if just remembering that they were holding hands. She quickly pulled away as if her hand had been burned. Her cheeks were red too. Dani wasn’t quite upset by the loss of Jamie’s hand in hers, but rather curious at the other woman’s reaction. Did she really dislike it that much? Or was it something else? She didn’t have much time to ponder it, because Owen came by the table a moment later. 

“Dani! You came!” The man said with a kind smile. He was wearing nice clothes for the party, but still wearing his apron.

“Owen, you know you can take that off, right?” Dani chuckled softly, suddenly quite relaxed with him nearby.

“I could, I really could. But you never know when there will be a food emergency. So, the apron stays on. Besides, Hannah says it looks cute.” 

Dani shook her head with a grin and put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “Jamie, this is Owen Sharma, our wonderful cook. Really, he makes some wonderful meals, and he used to be a chef in Paris! Owen, this is my girlfriend Jamie. From Iowa.” 

Owen smiled kindly and shook Jamie’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Jamie from Iowa.” 

“Nice to meet you too.” Jamie nodded.

“Do Iowans have British accents now? Never saw that coming.” He teased, which earned him a slight chuckle from Jamie.

“Ah, not quite. I was born in Britain, though.” Jamie commented, noticing Owen’s own accent. “Is everyone here British? Henry and the children are, and now you are. Didn’t know there were so many of us in the States.”

Owen shrugged. “Myself and Hannah have worked for Henry before, he asked us to travel here with him when he decided to move. Something about not trusting anyone else to work for him.” 

Jamie nodded. “Well, I’m glad Dani’s got you around, she deserves having such wonderful friends and coworkers.” 

This statement surprised Dani. She hadn’t had the time to tell Jamie ahead of time about who all worked and lived at the manor, they’d spent so much time figuring out their fake relationship. So, how could Jamie tell how close she was with Owen without her even having to say? After so many years, Jamie still knew her better than anyone else. 

After speaking with Owen for a few minutes, the two of them moved on to find Hannah, who was keeping the children entertained for a moment. Jamie chuckled softly as she heard the conversation while they approached. 

“Can we guess what the presents are?” A young girl, Flora, was asking Hannah. 

“If you’d like, sure. But be careful, they might be fragile!” Hannah called after them, but the children were already running to the tree with excitement. Jamie couldn’t help but smile. She wasn’t fond of children, or more likely she was scared of them after an incident with her brother when she was younger, but she couldn’t help but admit that Miles and Flora were quite sweet. Hannah turned to them as they approached, a kind smile on her face.

“Ah, Miss Clayton. And her girlfriend, I assume?” She asked gently. 

“You assume correctly.” Jamie chuckled softly. “Hi, I’m Jamie.”

Jamie was just full of surprises tonight, Dani decided. Even before the two had stopped talking to each other, Dani wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Jamie quite this comfortable, especially not so quickly. 

While Dani chatted with Hannah, Jamie’s mind drifted for a moment. How could these people possibly feel so familiar to her if she’d just met them and never even heard of them until now? It was like they were already welcoming her to their odd family. It warmed Jamie’s heart, really. She’d never known family before. She almost got sad, thinking about how these people would likely never be her family anyways. She wasn’t really dating Dani, anyways, even if she wanted to be. When she returned her attention to the conversation, she noticed Hannah looking at them with a knowing smile, as if she was clued into something that neither of them were even slightly aware of. Before anyone could say another word, there was a loud  _ crack _ and a  _ crash _ quickly followed. 

“Sounds like it was coming from outside.” Jamie said with a frown. “Sounded like a tree, actually.” 

The three of them hurried to the window, Henry and Owen and some of the guests following behind them. Jamie had been right, in the wind that had picked up an old tree had fallen and was lying right across the road.

“Looks like it might be awhile before we can leave.” Dani said, glancing over at Jamie apologetically. 

Moments later, Henry announced that everyone would have to stay for the night, as no one would be able to move the tree until the wind died down. This wasn’t a problem for Dani, seeing as she already had a room here. But, of course, the nervousness came back rather quickly when she realized that she and Jamie would be sharing her room and probably her bed as well. 

“Well, hey, at least it won’t be hard to convince them if we have to spend the night in the same room.” Jamie said, in a teasing tone, as if she’d been reading Dani’s mind. 

It was going to be an interesting night, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully this story will be finished New Years, we'll see lol. I post fic updates and other content on my twitter (jamiesoveralls) and tumblr (al-damnvers-blog), so feel free to follow me there and say hi! Thank you for your patience and your love so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've ever written for anything! Which isn't saying much, but it was so worth it! Two chapters left!

“With a place this big, with so many guest rooms, you’d think there would be more bathrooms.” 

“Line still too long?” 

The party had pretty much ended the second the tree fell, and everyone had decided it was a good time to settle in for the night. Considering they weren’t actually dating, Jamie had tried to go to one of the bathrooms to get ready for bed in an effort to let Dani change into pajamas in peace. She didn’t want things to get too awkward. They were already awkward, quite honestly. But the bathroom line barely moved in half an hour, so Jamie went back to Dani’s room.

“Yeah, unfortunately so. Sorry. Looks like we’ll both have to change in here.” Jamie muttered.

“We’ll manage, I’m sure.”

One of them had the bright idea for them both to change at the same time, that way it would be easier to not look at each other if they were focused on something else. It turned out to be far less of a good idea than had been intended. As they changed, with their backs to each other, there was a sort of tension that neither of them had been aware of before. Or, at least, Dani hadn’t. Jamie was just on the other side of the room, half dressed. If Dani turned around, she might catch a glimpse. Not that she would intentionally, of course, but she was accident prone and she was sure something would happen that would cause her to turn around. She didn’t hate the idea of seeing Jamie like that, but certainly not under these circumstances and consent had to be discussed before she would feel comfortable seeing Jamie in any state of undress. The possibility hadn’t caused her such stress when they were teenagers in the locker room of the community center’s pool. Then again, she hadn’t been attracted to Jamie back then. At least, not that she knew of. She was already dating Eddie by the time they turned fifteen and was too preoccupied to think of the other woman that way. But now? Any feelings she might have had in the past were bubbling back to the surface. Jamie was the same girl that she’d once been best friends with, the girl she had loved before she even knew it. And now, well, she knew it.

Jamie, on the other hand, had always felt such tension between them, because she’d had a crush on Dani since they met. And though she never wanted to cross any boundaries, there was always a fear that she would, that something would happen and she’d see something she wasn’t supposed to without Dani’s explicit permission and that everything would be ruined forever. The tension did seem thicker now, more electric than it had when they were younger. That, it seemed, was because now Jamie had hope. There was a small flicker of hope in her heart that Dani might actually like her back. After all, why else would she ask someone she hadn’t seen in years to be her pretend girlfriend? That had to be it. But still, she had no idea if Dani even liked women, let alone her. The tension was still there, as it always had been, and maybe it told more truth than either of them realized. 

Luckily for both of them, no accidents happened and all was well. Sort of. Next came a new challenge: sleeping in the same bed. Had there not been so many guests in the house already, Jamie could have snuck into an empty guest room and slept there. But, alas, this was not the case and she was going to sleep in the same bed as Dani. It wasn’t like they hadn't done this before, but it had been a long time ago when they were having a sleepover as teenagers. They settled into bed together and curled up as far apart as they could. Only once she was sure Dani was asleep did Jamie relax and feel the tension dissipate. She didn't sleep any, but she wasn't nearly as panicked as she had been. 

The truth was, Dani didn’t sleep much either. Not at first. With too many thoughts running through her head at all times about lying in bed next to Jamie, it was rather difficult. But, she did, too exhausted not to. And Jamie fell asleep too. 

The next morning, Jamie woke up to quite a surprise. Dani, still asleep, was snuggled up behind her, pressed close to her back and an arm draped loosely around Jamie’s waist. Before Jamie could even process the situation, she leapt out of bed and grabbed some clothes to change into, then darted out of the room to find the bathroom. This was never going to get any easier, was it? 

Dani woke the second that Jamie jolted out of bed, and very quickly pieced together what had happened. With the direction she was facing, and the fact that her arm was now draped over still-warm bed sheets, she knew. She had been cuddling Jamie, the woman she was trying so hard to hide her feelings for, in her sleep. Apparently, her subconscious couldn’t help but embarrass her. Dani hadn’t necessarily liked cuddling before, or really being that physically close to someone. Or, at least, not with Eddie. But Jamie was different. Jamie was the person she wanted to be close to whenever she could. But this situation was not the time for that, not while they were sharing a bed. Either way, Dani was determined to never speak of it, ever. She barely had a friendship with Jamie at this point, so scaring off the brunette now was not a good option.

Dani didn’t see Jamie again until breakfast that morning. Many of the guests had gotten the chance to leave by then, so the dining room and kitchen just held Jamie, Owen, and Hannah. Apparently, Henry had taken the children outside to play. 

“Ah, good morning, Dani!” Owen said cheerfully when he noticed her. 

“Good morning, dear, did you sleep okay?” Hannah asked with a kind smile.

Dani smiled gently. “Oh… I slept okay. Really. Nothing too… interesting.”

Owen and Hannah shared a look that Dani couldn’t quite decipher. Jamie, meanwhile, was quiet. She had been avoiding Dani’s gaze the whole time. Owen cleared his throat, catching both Jamie and Dani’s attention. 

“Jamie, I think Dani told me at some point that you’re good with plants. Any chance you’d want to come help me for a few minutes in the greenhouse? I’m trying to grow some fresh produce for some meals, but the cold weather is making it quite difficult and I’d love your advice.” He said politely. Jamie glanced at Dani in confusion. When had she had enough time to tell him that? It seemed like a weird excuse to get her out of the room, but she shrugged and nodded, getting up to follow him. He seemed nice and she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to face Dani yet. 

“Well… That was a little odd.” Dani said softly when they had left. Hannah shrugged and sat down across from her at the table. 

“I suppose. I think he just wants to make sure that she’s the right girl for you, that she’s good for you. He loves acting like a big brother, especially with you.” Hannah said gently. “Besides, I wanted to have the chance to speak with you alone, anyways.”

Dani blinked, processing two pieces of information from that. “He… likes being a big brother with me? Does he see me as a sister?” She asked.

Hannah just smiled. “The poor man doesn’t have any biological family left, I think he sees us all as family in one way or another. And Jamie being your girlfriend makes her family, too.” 

Dani nodded slightly, letting herself get lost in her thoughts for a few moments. She’d never really had a father, her mother was always terrible, and she’d lost Eddie’s family when he had died. She knew how Owen felt, not having anyone left. She had always wanted to build a family, out of love rather than blood, but hadn’t had anyone to do it with. And yet, here was Owen, who had only known her for six months, treating her as though she was his sister. And that, well, it meant the world to her. 

Hannah’s voice drew her back to reality a moment later. “Dani, I wanted to ask you something…”

“Oh?” Dani asked, looking at her as she refocused her attention. “What is it?”

“At the party last night, I noticed something. About you and Jamie.” The woman began gently. “While I was chatting with you, Jamie seemed to be a bit in her head. Which, there’s nothing wrong with that, but she looked a little wistful. Especially when she looked at you. And at myself. And when she glanced back towards Owen for a moment. It seemed as though she was missing something. Or was afraid of losing something. But, from what you’ve told me, you two are going strong. Are you two doing alright?”

This startled Dani. Leave it to Hannah to be the most perceptive, she supposed. But this, too, was going to take her a moment to process. The most pressing part of it, however, was the fact that Hannah suspected something was off. Stupid tree trapping them in. Had it not, maybe they would have gotten away with this and would already be on their way to forgetting it ever happened. 

“I… yeah, we’re doing fine. Nothing to worry about.” Dani said carefully, but then sighed and shook her head. If she couldn’t talk to someone about this, it was just going to get worse, and Hannah was often the person she felt most comfortable with. 

“What’s wrong, dear?” Hannah asked gently. 

“Jamie and I, we’re not… we’re not really dating. I asked her to come here and pretend to be my girlfriend because I was too embarrassed to tell Henry that I didn’t have a girlfriend at all.” She confessed. “But, I didn’t lie about us being childhood friends and stuff like that. We drifted apart when I started dating my ex-fiance. Jamie was fully out, she always was, and I worried it would make Eddie jealous. I don’t think it ever did, but my own insecurities ruined everything. So, I lost her, and then I realized I was attracted to her, and then I broke it off with Eddie because I realized I was gay, and now… well, he’s dead and I only reconnected with Jamie a few days ago.”

Hannah sat quietly for a moment, letting Dani breathe after such a confession. It was a lot, and Hannah suspected that Jamie didn’t know half of it. 

“Do you still have feelings for her?” She said gently. 

Dani nodded silently. Hannah put a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s going to be okay, Dani. Something tells me that Jamie has some feelings of her own to work through.”

Meanwhile, Jamie was in the greenhouse with Owen, studying the plants. She had to admit, the greenhouse was well-made, certainly warm enough at least. There certainly wasn’t any frost on the leaves and the soil felt soft despite it being the middle of the winter. 

“Honestly, Owen, I think that your problem is that you’re trying to grow this stuff in the middle of the winter. The sun isn’t out enough for most of these plants and they haven’t evolved to grow year round. Unfortunately, I think you’re stuck getting your fresh vegetables in the summer.” She said after a few minutes. 

“I was afraid of that. Makes me wonder how people survived back before mass production and international trade.” He said. Jamie stared at him for a moment, then shook her head.

“Why’d you bring me out here?” She asked, leaning against one of the tables. “I’m pretty sure you, a chef, knows when certain foods are in season.” 

“Alright, alright, you caught me. I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all. You’re Dani’s girlfriend, after all. We’re kind of a family here, at least that’s how I see it. So, I wanted to get to know you.” He explained. 

Jamie didn’t know how to respond to that. It was sweet of him, truly, but she was starting to hate this charade. He wanted to welcome her into their family, but she’d never really be part of it. So, when the truth bubbled to her lips, she didn’t do anything to stop it. 

“Well, you shouldn’t waste your energy. We’re not even dating. You’re probably never gonna see me again.” 

“Not dating…?”

“Henry thought Dani was bringing a date to the party, so she asked me to come along so she wouldn’t have to tell him otherwise. I can see why, he seemed so excited to meet me. Everything was a lie.” She said and turned away from him, expecting him to hate her for all the lies and pretending she and Dani had both done. Owen didn’t seem put off by it, though. 

“Well, you certainly fooled me. You seemed to know absolutely everything about her, as if you’d been dating for years. And you seemed perfectly at ease while meeting everyone.” He said. 

“I have known her for years, but we stopped talking for years until a few days ago when I finally saw her again.”

“You were really childhood friends, then?” Owen asked, trying to keep her talking. Before knowing the truth about the relationship, he has believed that Jamie was as in love with Dani as anyone could be for their soulmate. And even though Jamie had now admitted that the dating part was fake, he had a feeling that something in the relationship was real. And that something was Jamie’s feelings. He could see how much Dani liked her, too, so if he could help Jamie, he would.

“Yeah, we were. Pushed each other away when she started dating Eddie, who was a good guy but unfortunately a man. I thought she was straight and I had a huge crush on her, so things got weird and that was that. And now… apparently she likes women and I don’t know how to cope with that. I don’t think I even had the chance to process that before I realized what she was asking me to do these past couple of days. Because now I’m pretending to be her girlfriend while also pretending that I don’t want it to be real.”

There was a pause, a long one, before Owen spoke. “Jamie, do you love her?” 

There was another long, long pause. Then Jamie spoke, so softly that Owen almost didn’t hear her.

“Yes.”

“Well, then, you need to tell her.”

“I will. After all this is over. I don’t want to complicate things.” 

And, with that, Jamie moved from her spot and quickly left the greenhouse, heading back up towards the manor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos, I'm so glad you like the story! Feel free to follow me on twitter (jamiesoveralls) and tumblr (al-damnvers-blog) to say hi and get more updates for my stories!


	4. the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings happen

After Jamie and Owen returned to the manor, it felt as though the energy had shifted. Sure, Dani and Jamie were still a little tentative when it came to talking to each other and interacting, but it was as if both of them had come to terms with their own sides of the situation. They both tried to return to normal, which was a little odd since the only people who didn’t know the truth at this point were Henry and the children. Still, they decided to keep it up anyways. The children were only eight and ten, after all, and explaining the whole thing to them before even revealing their feelings for each other was a little too complicated at the moment. 

Frankly, at this point, Dani was just wishing to get this over as soon as possible. She had feelings for Jamie, yes. And she wanted to tell her. But she was too overwhelmed with all of it to tell her now. There was too much going on. For now, she would just keep up the act and pretend that everything was normal.

They ended up spending the rest of the day at the manor. It was Christmas Eve, after all, and neither of them really wanted to go home to the dreary Christmases they usually had back in Iowa. So, the day was spent with Henry, Flora, Miles, Hannah, and Owen. And, fake relationship or not, it was turning out to be one of the most fun Christmases either of them had ever had. 

At lunchtime, Jamie finally met the children formally. After all, she had just seen them talking to Hannah at the party and hadn’t gotten the chance to really interact with them. Jamie had her own reservations about interaction with children thanks to her own less than perfect childhood, but Dani promised that these two were sweet kids, so she gave it a try anyways.

“Jamie, these are the two kids I get to work with every day.” Dani smiled proudly when she introduced them. “Flora, Miles, this is Jamie. She’s my girlfriend, the one I brought for the party.”

Miles gave a welcoming smile and a nod, along with shaking Jamie’s hand politely, but that was about it. He didn’t care too much about all the adults and just wanted to play. Flora, on the other hand, was extremely excited about this new development. 

“Oh, how perfectly splendid!” The little girl beamed. “It’s so nice to meet you, Miss…” She faltered, realizing she didn’t know Jamie’s last name. 

“It’s okay, you can just call me Jamie. You don’t have to be that formal with me.” Jamie chuckled softly, which somehow made Flora grin even wider, if that was even possible. 

“But, I have to call Miss Clayton by her last name, so I should with you, too!” Flora said curiously. 

Jamie just shrugged, giving the girl a mischievous grin. “Ah, but Miss Clayton is your teacher. I’m not. So, it’s perfectly okay with me if you wanna just call me Jamie. You can call me Miss Taylor if you’d like, of course, but I’m giving you special permission to forget the rules.” 

Dani watched this interaction with interest. Jamie had always said that she was terrible with kids, after the incident with her brother back when she was still in England, but this seemed to prove otherwise. 

“You’re the coolest!” Flora giggled, still grinning up at Jamie, then quickly wrapped her arms around the startled woman. Dani smiled, noticing the look of quiet pride on Jamie’s face. She had a feeling that getting approval from a small child meant more to her than she would admit. Besides, Flora was pretty much the sweetest little girl either of them had ever met, there was no way a person couldn’t absolutely adore her. It wasn’t long before Jamie and Flora had wandered off to the greenhouse together so that Jamie could show the little girl how to help Owen take care of his vegetable plants. 

At dinner that night, they all gathered to enjoy a delicious Christmas Eve meal made by Owen. 

“Poppins really wasn’t kidding when she said your cooking was the best in the country, this is incredible.” Jamie said after taking the first bite from her plate. Owen beamed with pride. Truthfully, Dani hadn’t really had the time to fill Jamie in on the heavenly foods that Owen managed to prepare everyday, but she might as well have. She had always adored whatever he had cooked. 

“Well, I say we make a toast.” Henry said, standing and lifting his glass of wine. 

“What a grand idea. What are we toasting to?” Hannah asked with a smile. 

“How about we all go around and add something we’d like to be part of it?” He suggested, earning a nod of agreement from everyone. “I suppose I’ll start, then. I’d like to toast to all the lovely people at this table, both those I’ve known for years and those that I am just starting to know. Without them, I would still be an absent uncle, missing out on the joys of my niece and nephew. And, of course, my niece and nephew are so wonderful that I couldn’t stay away forever.” 

Owen went next, toasting to having a job that he adored and that led him to meeting the people he considered the best on the planet. 

The children got in on all this as well, Miles toasting to the food they were about to eat and Flora toasting to the fallen tree that allowed Jamie to stay for Christmas Eve. Jamie was a little stunned by that, but happy nonetheless. 

Jamie went next. “Well, I suppose I’d like to dedicate this toast to all of you. See, I don’t come from much of a family and I don’t really celebrate Christmas much because I’m usually alone. So, being here, with you all, who have welcomed me like I’m your family even if you don’t really know me… means a lot.” She said and sat down quickly, trying to keep her composure at the amount of emotion that all of it brought up.

Then, Dani’s turn. She was touched by Jamie’s words and had a feeling that they were as genuine as possible given the circumstances. “I want to dedicate this to Jamie. And, all of you, of course, but… especially Jamie. I wouldn’t be where I am without her. She’s been everything I wish I had always known I needed. And now that I do know, I’m not letting her go.” 

There were cheers from around the table after she spoke, even from Jamie, who couldn’t help but let a look of confusion cross her face before masking it quickly and leaning over to kiss Dani’s cheek. Neither knew which parts of each other’s statements were exactly true, but the sentiment was real, at least.

Last but not least was Hannah, who ended up taking part of Dani’s idea and dedicating her toast to her own significant other. “We really are a small family here, aren’t we? I think Jamie was right about that.” Hannah began. “But I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t honor the man who makes this group feel like a family. Owen. He’s welcomed us all as his own family, even if I was working here before he was. It’s because of him that we’re all so close like this. And I love him for that. I love him for a lot of reasons, actually, but he knows that. It scares me, sometimes, to love him as much as I do. Letting someone in like that, especially romantically, can be difficult. But I know he loves me back and that’s all I need to feel more secure despite my fears. So, here’s to you Owen.” 

The cheers around the table were even louder this time. Again, though, Jamie’s reaction was a little off. She was trying to smile, clearly wanted to, but she looked more nervous than Dani had ever seen her. In fact, Dani wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Jamie be anything other than the most confident woman in the world. So, when Jamie abruptly got up from the table and left the room, Dani knew something was wrong. Whatever was going on, Jamie definitely wasn’t pretending anymore. Her true feelings were seeping through. What worried Dani, though, was why Jamie was so upset in the first place. Either way, she didn’t want to see Jamie upset, so she followed her out of the room after excusing herself from the table.

Dani found Jamie sitting outside, her back against the wall of the manor while she sat on the ground. She was crying. This was a startling sight. Dani had rarely, if ever, seen Jamie cry. Even when they had been kids and Jame told her about Mikey for the first time, there had been no tears. Of course, that was years ago. Maybe Jamie didn’t bottle up her emotions as much these days. Still, it was shocking to see, and at first Dani wasn’t sure exactly how to react. She didn’t know how Jamie liked to be comforted. And, they still hadn’t talked thoroughly about the night before and waking up together, so Dani wasn’t quite sure that Jamie wanted to talk to her at all, much less while she was upset. 

“You can stop starin’, Poppins. You never seen someone cry before?” The brunette said suddenly, having noticed Dani standing there.

“I-I’m sorry, I just… Jamie, you’re crying.”

“I’m aware of that, Poppins, thank you.”

Dani rolled her eyes. “No, I mean, I’ve never seen you this upset before.”

“Yeah, well, I cry sometimes. It happens. It’d be weird if I didn’t.” Jamie muttered. 

Dani sighed. This was going nowhere. “Jamie, I’m trying to say-- God, I just-- I’ve never seen you this upset before and I’m worried! Okay? I’m worried about you. And I want to help, if I can.”

“There’s nothing wrong, Dani, you can go back inside. It’s freezing fucking cold out here anyways, I’m not gonna make you stay out here just to listen to me cry.” 

Dani sat down next to her. “It really is cold out here. But if you’re gonna insist on being outside, then I’m going to stay out here and just… keep you warm. Even if I have to listen to you cry.” She scooted closer to Jamie and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, gently pulling her close. 

Jamie sighed, reluctantly letting Dani close to her. “You’re a good egg, Poppins.” She said, managing a soft chuckle. 

“Now, how about you tell me what’s actually wrong.” Dani said softly. 

“I said--”

“I know what you said. But I also know that you left the room particularly after Hannah’s speech about loving Owen. Seems like a pretty weird time to leave when nothing’s wrong.” 

Jamie glared at her for a moment, then shrugged. “You’re too damn intuitive. Or you know me too well.” She murmured. “I just, uh… I got a bit caught up on what Hannah said, about loving Owen. And not being scared, because she knows that he loves her back, and it keeps her fears at bay. Thing is, Poppins, I don’t have that luxury. I might never have that. And I hate it. Everyone I’ve ever loved, romantically or otherwise, has left. Including you.”

“You…?” Dani didn’t continue her sentence, opting to let Jamie explain further rather than derail her by asking what she meant by that.

“My dad was never home, Denny was an ass, Mikey was too little to understand, and my mum abandoned me. And as much as I hated my foster parents and they hated me, I was in a place finally where I had friends. I had you. Well, and Eddie, he was nice enough to me. And I… fell in love with you. I pushed it down, not wanting to get in the way of you and Eddie, you seemed happy. And then we stopped talking and I convinced myself that it was just a stupid puppy love situation and tht it wasn’t a big deal. But it still hurt, as if my love for you had been far more than that. And then you left town. You both did, and I had no one. Not a single person. So, over the last few years, I tried to forget about you. I tried not to feel a smidgeon of hope when you and Eddie weren’t together anymore. Of course, I knew he had died and felt terrible about that part. But I still tried as hard as I could to forget. It was healing, really. But then, you showed up again, last week. And it all came flooding back. Turns out, it wasn’t puppy love all those years ago. I really loved you. And I still do, even if it hurts. So, what Hannah said back there, it made me think about how hard it is to love someone who might not love you back. There’s no security, nothing sure about it. And if I’m not careful, I’m gonna end up getting hurt again because I put in too much effort. I mean, being your fake girlfriend? All it did was show me all the things I could have, a life we could have together. But it’s not real, and you don’t love me like that, and it’s fine. I just need a minute to get my head on straight again.”

Dani was quiet for a moment, a long moment. So long that panic grew on Jamie’s face at the thought of possibly driving Dani away for good. Then, she spoke.

“Why did you assume that I didn’t love you back?” 

To say that Jamie was struck dumb by this was an understatement. It took several moments of processing before she could even think of a response. “You love me?”

“I… yeah. I do. I love you. And, I think… I always did, but I didn’t know till now. After everything with Eddie, I couldn’t really let myself think about it. But now I have thought about it, especially the last few days. And I love you.” Dani said softly. 

Her words were met with Jamie’s lips touching hers ever so softly. Dani kissed her back softly, letting it deepen ever so slightly. Jamie would have kissed her again if they hadn’t both been grinning so stupidly that it was near impossible.

“We should go inside. They’re probably waiting for us.” Jamie said softly. 

“Probably. Can we enjoy this for a few more minutes before we go back in?”

“Sure thing, Poppins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left, mostly an epilogue of sorts!! I hope you enjoyed this story, thankyou for all the comments and kudos thus far!


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